


In This Together

by SpicedGold



Series: The Nara Family [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Brothers are the best, F/M, Family, Late Night Conversations, Pregnancy, Temari is not sure how to deal with this, doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 23:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18108488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicedGold/pseuds/SpicedGold
Summary: She can take on anything. But this is something she doesn't know how to handle, and that scares her.Because she knows how wrong it can go.





	In This Together

She hadn’t been there when her mother had died, and sometimes she thinks that was a mistake, because maybe if she’d been there her mind would stop making up these horrific scenarios of how it might have been.

Like now, when her mind was filled with blood and screaming, and terrible thoughts of bodies being ripped apart, snarling demons, and endless, just endless, blood, _everywhere_ , defying all logic and all sense. It was the sort of screaming and screeching that chilled you to the bone, the sort that set your teeth on edge, lit all your nerves with electric fire, sent your heart racing and racing and _racing_.

And it didn’t matter how many times she told herself _it’s not real, it’s not real_ , the images didn’t stop, and the pain became tangible, and no amount of logic would override her mounting panic. Common sense fled, and there was only the blood and the screaming and the terror, and her mind just hammered the same thoughts into her skull over and over again.

She _died_ , she died having Gaara, she died and there was so much blood and so much screaming and so much pain and so much fear and _so much –_

 

She jolted awake with a sharp gasp, feeling as though all the breath had been punched from her, shaking wildly, breathing out of her control, heart rocketing beyond normal. There was a single, still second, before the panic swamped her entire system and she didn’t know where she was – this was not home, this was not where she belonged, this was unfamiliar and wrong and terrible and the screaming still echoed in her mind -

“I’ve got you.” The voice behind her murmured, an arm over her waist tightening a fraction.

Temari sucked air into her lungs, trying to focus. This wasn’t Suna, but that was okay because it was Konoha. This wasn’t her bedroom, but that was okay because it was _theirs_. She was fine, she was fine, _she was fine . . ._

“S’okay,” Shikamaru shifted slightly, voice heavy with sleep. He let out a breath against the back of her head.

It wasn’t okay. She was shaking, the metallic taste of blood at the back of her throat, heartbeat pounding in her ears. And it wasn’t okay because she hated feeling like this, she hated anyone knowing that she could feel like this. She wasn’t weak, she wasn’t pathetic, she didn’t fear anything –

“It’s okay,” Shikamaru repeated, a bit clearer this time, obviously being drawn out of his sleep state by her shuddering breathing and the rapid-fire thud of her heart.

Temari rolled over, sticking her face firmly into Shikamaru’s chest, feeling her eyes well with tears. _Not now_ , she thought viciously, _Don’t you dare cry . . ._

She gripped the front of his shirt with one hand, the other closing against his back, jaw clenching in an attempt to stave off tears. She held back a soft whimper as his hand slid up her back to rest in her hair, holding her close to him. He didn’t try to make her talk, he didn’t try to pry information from her, and she was very grateful for that. She wanted to tell him she loved him so, _so much_ , but she didn’t trust her voice. There was a thick lump in her throat, interfering with breathing and thinking, and she refused to cry. She didn’t do that.

“Love you,” Shikamaru murmured, chin resting on the top of her head. “Even though you’re the most troublesome woman I’ve ever met and you wake me up in the middle of the night . . .”

She felt him shift, felt his lips against her hair, and the sobs broke loose, from anger and helplessness and other rolling emotions she was unfamiliar with. She hated the loss of control, she hated the vulnerability, and she hated how Shikamaru didn’t even flinch, just held onto her, like this was normal.

It wasn’t normal; it was awful and uncomfortable, and she wished she had never woken up. Nightmares and horrors were better than this, better than the growing damp patch on the front of his shirt, better than the way she could feel him pulling a hand gently through her hair, better than crying like a pathetic child.

Shikamaru waited until her sobbing subsided, until the death grip on his shirt relaxed, before he pulled her back just enough to be able to look into her eyes and ask quietly, “Is he okay?”

She knew what he meant, but, even so, he followed up the question with a hand laying questioningly over her belly. She nodded, still unwilling to speak.

Shikamaru visibly relaxed, his gentle smile making an appearance. “Good.”

He still didn’t ask. Didn’t ask what had driven her into such a panic.

She swallowed once or twice, unsure of how to say what was on her mind. Eventually, she settled for the direct, albeit puzzling, route of, “I can’t do this.”

Shikamaru’s face settled into a frown as he considered what she had said, trying to figure out what she meant, and how many meanings it could have. As usual, he had the right answer. “Tem, we’re a bit beyond that now-“

“I can’t do this,” she repeated, voice tinging on desperate because she _needed_ him to understand this. “I can’t. I’m not ready. I’m not . . . I can’t do this.”

Marrying a genius had its perks, because it meant they could skip long explanations and jump right into the important parts of conversations, because he already had it figured out. “What’s scaring you?”

Her automatic response was to snap _I’m not scared_ , because Suna shinobi didn’t fear anything, but the words stuck in her chest. She shook her head, swallowing down the persistent lump in her throat that wouldn’t leave, not sure how to say what she wanted to say. “I . . . I can’t do this. I can’t go through with this.”

Her breath quickened, panic threatening again. Fucking hormones, fucking baby, fucking _everything_ fucking with her emotions all the time. For a moment, anger overrode her panic, but disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared.

Shikamaru curled a hand into her hair, brushing it back slightly. One lock was damp with tears; he combed his fingers through it to loosen it. “Temari. Everything is going to be fine. Nothing is going to happen, and we’ve got a few weeks before-“

“Mom died,” Temari blurted out.

Shikamaru paused, hand freezing in place.

Temari breathed out, a long, shuddering, watery breath. The lump made talking difficult, made her jaw shake as she tried _so hard_ not to cry again. She tried to explain further. “Mom died having Gaara. What if . . . what if . . .”

“That’s not going to happen.” Shikamaru’s voice was firm. “I would never let that happen.”

She was shaking again, and she hated it. Hated how she felt, hated that she couldn’t control her own emotions, hated how she was so terrified of what might happen soon. All she could think about was blood, and pain, and death, and she felt her baby kick and it forced out another choked sob from her. Oh, god, what if he had to grow up without her?

“What do you want?” Shikamaru asked quietly, and if Temari hadn’t been too wrapped in her self-loathing and panic, she might have appreciated the honest generosity in his voice, because she could ask for the world and Shikamaru would do everything in his power to give it to her.

“I don’t want to do this . . .” She loved her baby, she really did, but she didn’t want him right now. Didn’t want any of this, didn’t want to think or feel or worry or stress. Didn’t want to focus on the looming terror of his birth, because _look what happened to Mom and what if that happened to her and she didn’t want this . . ._

“That’s what you don’t want.” His hand resumed stroking through her hair, pulling slightly in the way she liked, in an effort to soothe. “But what do you want?”

She was going to sound like a pathetic, whiny child, but her dignity had left the moment she started crying, so she whimpered thinly, “Want to go home . . .”

“We are home.”

“This isn’t home!” she snapped, tears blurring her vision again. Anger flashed white-hot through her, twisting with her fear into a nauseating combination. “Home is far away, and I want that back, I don’t want this anymore, I just want to go home-“

“Okay,” Shikamaru cut in softly, and even though he was barely above a whisper, his voice still silenced her. “Tem, just breathe for a minute.”

She was glad he didn’t tell her that her impressive freak out was bad for the baby, because she would have slapped him without a second thought.

He held her close to his body, but shifted a bit more onto his back, hand groping at the table beside his bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Same as always,” Shikamaru’s hand came back with the phone. “Doing whatever you ask of me.”

Temari pressed her face into his ribs, body jerking once again with a poorly suppressed sob. The anger fled in one disorientating moment, leaving bitter worry in its place.

He absently stroked his hand across her back, other hand working the phone. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned being around pregnant women, it’s that they never listen to anything their husbands say. So, the only way I can help you is to make you hear everything I need to say from someone else.”

Temari looked up slightly. “Who’re you calling?”

“You wanted home.” Shikamaru listened to the long ringing on the other end of the line. “We’re calling home.”

“Kankuro’s grumpy when you wake him,” Temari said, wiping her cheek against Shikamaru’s shirt.

“He’s grumpy all the time.”

It took an eternity before the phone was answered.

“The fuck’s calling at this hour?” Kankuro slurred.

“It’s Shikamaru.”

“What. Wait. Is Temari okay?” Kankuro magically sounded more awake. “ _What happened?_ ”

“Nothing happened, she’s fine,” Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, too, by the way, thanks for asking.”

Kankuro snorted. “Yeah, whatever. What’s wrong?”

“She’s having a pregnancy moment,” Shikamaru said, wincing at the very painful pinch in his side. “Ow, woman, calm down. Talk to your brother.”

He thrust the phone at her.

“Tem?” Kankuro’s voice was suddenly much softer. “You okay there?”

“. . .” Temari said nothing, unsure of what to say. She pushed closer to Shikamaru, still sniveling.

“Tem, whatever’s going on, it’s gonna be fine. I know you’re even more hormonal than usual, but it’ll pass eventually and you’ll be back to your regular bitchy self in no time.”

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at Kankuro’s version of ‘helping’. And people said he was emotionally stunted.

Temari sniffed loudly, her voice thin, “Was thinking about Mom.”

The silence on the other end of the line was unnerving. Then, Kankuro said gently, “Yeah. So did I when you told us you were . . . Look, Tem, things are different now. You’re different. You’re not Mom.”

“Miss you,” she murmured, and Shikamaru was impressed Kankuro managed to hear her.

“Miss you, too.”

There was a pause.

“Hold on a sec,” Kankuro said, punctuating his sentence with a loud groan that announced he was moving. “Lemme get the baby brother.”

“You don’t have to wake him,” Temari protested softly. “Let him sleep.”

Kankuro grumbled something that sounded similar to ‘asshat is probably awake anyway’. There was a brief silence, then they could hear Kankuro’s voice faintly explaining, “Tem’s having a moment and dork face shadow ass can’t comfort her so we’re waking the whole damn country.”

“What?” Gaara sounded baffled.

Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow. “What did he just call me?”

“Talk to your sister, Gaara!” Kankuro growled.

“Temari?” Gaara questioned.

“Hey, Gaara,” she breathed out with a shudder. “Sorry to wake you.”

“Is everything alright? Is your baby okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine, he said I should talk to you . . . you meant the other one, didn’t you?”

Shikamaru sighed, throwing an arm across his eyes.

“Baby’s fine,” Temari whispered, her free hand closing around Shikamaru’s. She could feel the baby moving. Usually, it filled her with a sense of wonder, but right now she just felt sickened. “But . . . But Mom died and I . . .”

“You’re gonna be fine, Tem,” Kankuro sounded remarkably clear. Temari imagined them sitting side by side on Gaara’s bed, phone wedged between them, and she felt a hot rush of affection. “That’s not gonna happen to you.”

“Everything will be alright,” Gaara said surely.

“We wouldn’t have let Shikamaru impregnate you with an alien if we thought that you would be in danger,” Kankuro added.

Shikamaru lifted his arm, squinting at Temari quizzically. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Things go wrong,” Temari said softly. “Things happen . . . and I’m . . . I’m not ready for this. I’m not . . . good enough for this.”

Shikamaru made a mental note to curse Ino for kickstarting the entire clan-trio-tradition into gear, because he would have been content to wait a few years. He didn’t know how to deal with Temari when she got like this – he was too used to her being unflappable under pressure, and the raging mood swings left him reeling.

“Tem,” Kankuro said patiently. “You’re the toughest girl we know. That kid’s gonna be so lucky to have you as a mom.”

“I want to go home,” she said pathetically. “I miss the desert. I hate it here.”

“That’s probably just the hormones talking,” Kankuro said encouragingly. “But if you still feel that way once the baby’s born, we’ll come and get you.”

Shikamaru groaned loudly, feeling victimized. “You can’t have her back.”

“Temari,” Gaara said. “I know you’re feeling upset, but you love that idiot -”

“Genius,” Shikamaru corrected.

“- And you’re happy in Konoha. If we doubted that for even a second, we would be there to bring you home.”

“And it’s okay to be scared,” Kankuro added. “I mean, you’re growing a human, that’s gotta be a little scary . . .”

“. . . I’m not good enough to do this . . .”

“Yes, you are,” Gaara said firmly. “I know it’s frightening-“

“No,” Temari interrupted sharply. “You don’t know. You _don’t_ , because you’re just a stupid _man_ ,” her voice cracked slightly, fresh tears appearing. Shikamaru tightened his grip on her. “You have no idea how frightening this is, because this could kill me, and I shouldn’t have done this, but at the same time I want him so badly. This isn’t something I can fight back against, this isn’t something that I can fight my way through, I don’t know how to handle this. This isn’t . . . this isn’t what I’m good at, this isn’t what I know. You don’t know, you don’t have something growing inside you, you don’t have to face the fact that this baby is going to have to come out at some point, and you can’t imagine what it’s like waiting for that!”

There was silence from the other end.

“Tem,” Kankuro said softly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, _none of this is okay_ , it’s not . . .” She swallowed hard. She was fearing for her _life_ against something that she couldn’t overcome in her usual ways, and she didn’t know how she was supposed to deal with that. “It’s not okay, Kankuro.”

“Doubts are normal. Your whole is life changing. You know, it’s normal to think maybe it was a mistake.” Kankuro’s voice stayed strong. “We’ve thought that, too, and it must be a hundred times worse for you, since you’re the one who’s actually having a baby.”

She sniffled loudly, and Shikamaru felt his chest tighten at the sound. God, it made him _ache_ to hear her so distressed, and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it. He tipped his head down, pressing soft kisses to her hair. “Tem, babe, I promise everything will be okay.”

“Mother loves you,” Gaara said suddenly, startling everyone else in the conversation into silence.

Shikamaru glanced at Temari. She remained still, staring off into space, eyes shining wet.

“I just . . .” Gaara cleared his throat awkwardly. “I just wanted you to know that.”

“We love you too,” Kankuro added. “Okay?”

“Okay.” After a moment of silence, Temari smacked the phone against Shikamaru’s head.

“Ow! What did I do?”

“Stupid baby won’t stop kicking.”

“How is that my fault?” Shikamaru grumbled. “He’s just telling you to settle down, because everything is fine.”

Kankuro chuckled. “Glad to hear he’s doing alright.”

“Is he?” Gaara asked, sounding worried. “Is he fine?”

“Yeah,” Temari sighed. “He’s doing great, apparently. Everything seems normal.” She hesitated, talking around the sudden lump in her throat, voice trembling. “Am I going to be a good mom?”

“No,” Kankuro said, and Shikamaru slapped a hand across his face, wondering why he had thought this was a good plan – Kankuro was _awful_ at this. “You’re going to be terrible at it. You’re going to be too strict and you’re going to nag that kid all the time. You’re going to drive him insane with your constant bitching, just like you do to me and Gaara.”

Shikamaru was mentally willing Kankuro to spontaneously combust and stop ‘helping’, when he saw Temari smile.

“And that kid’s gonna love you for it, because that’s what kids do,” Kankuro finished.

Shikamaru did not understand how siblings interacted. How did that discouraging paragraph of insults make Temari feel better than all Shikamaru’s comforting and soothing?

“You two are going to come and visit when he’s born, right?” Temari asked, sounding a bit more like herself. The fear was ebbing away, the doubt starting to recede.

“Absolutely,” Gaara confirmed. “I’ve already cleared two weeks around the due date, so we will be ready to leave whenever you ask.”

She closed her eyes, and Shikamaru recognized the wave of tiredness that ran across her face. It was exhausting; growing a baby, and having nightmares, and waking up so often.

“Tem,” he said softly. “Say goodnight.”

“Feeling better?” Gaara asked.

“Yeah, a little,” her words were muffled by a yawn.

“Remember,” Gaara sounded a bit uncertain. “You can call us any time if you need to talk again.”

“But preferably during business hours,” Kankuro added.

Temari’s smile was more content now, and Shikamaru felt himself relax. “I’ll call whenever I want.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Kankuro sighed. He paused, then said in a gentler voice, “Good night, Tem.”

“Good night,” Gaara put in. “Sleep well.”

“Night,” she murmured, tiredness slamming in all at once.

She relinquished the phone to Shikamaru, and he replaced it next to him, before settling down and pulling her close to his chest. To his relief, her heart had slowed back to normal. He made sure they were both comfortable, and prepared to settle back to sleep.

“What if the nightmares come back?” Temari asked, looking imploringly at him. She wasn’t used to vulnerability, and she hated opening herself up to the possibility of it happening again.

“You,” Shikamaru smoothed her hair back, “Are the most powerful, troublesome woman I know. A few scary dreams are nothing to you. You can take on anything. And if it does happen again, we are right here.” He pressed a hand over her belly. “Both of us.”

Reassured, she snuggled into his chest with a drowsy nod. Shikamaru held her close.

_I won’t let anything happen to you_ , he thought. _Not you, and not our kid. That’s a promise._

“Shikamaru?” she murmured, muffled against him and voice heavy with sleep.

“Hm?”

“Can we visit your mom tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he kissed her hair again. “Anything for you.”

He was dozing off, satisfied that she had calmed, when she suddenly kicked him. He startled. “Now what?”

“Kid’s still kicking,” Temari mumbled, not opening her eyes. “Your fault.”

“Of the two of us, who is more likely to kick someone?” he queried. “I think it’s your fault.”

She didn’t answer, jaw slackening with sleep. Shikamaru could feel a soft nudge where she was pressed against him. He moved his hand from her back to her side.

“Shh,” he whispered. “Settle down and let your mom sleep.”

There was an answering nudge, but Temari remained still. Shikamaru smiled softly. “You know, we all think you’re a boy, but you never listen to anyone, so maybe you’re a girl. Either way,” he closed his eyes. “You and your mom are going to be fine.”

There was no way he would ever let anything happen to either of them.


End file.
